


Caution: Approach at Your Own Risk

by TotallyARealPerson



Category: Naruto
Genre: Naruto is Bill, Sakura is Gildarts, Sasuke is Zuko, Why Did I Write This?, You're all caught up, i can explain, not quite a crossover, those character tags?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:54:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23909536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TotallyARealPerson/pseuds/TotallyARealPerson
Summary: One of them is a pyromaniac who (tries to) stab anyone who gets too close.One is a psychopath with a tendency to overuse Yamanaka-style jutsu.One of them explodes everything they touch.Their teacher always stays at arm's length, but he's Friend-Killer Hatake Kakashi, and you should only approach him at your own risk, too.Mostly his team, though.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 32





	1. Bells

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Akun50's 'unique power-ups' challenge on The Fanfiction Forum years ago.  
> The rules were as followed:  
> 1: Team Seven's power-ups had to come from a pre-existing character from a different anime, movie, book, video game, etc. No self-made powers.  
> 2: Kakashi could not know about the powers before testing began, and he had to be defeated by them.  
> 3: Tell everyone whose power-ups were given when all was said and done in case they couldn't figure it out for themselves.
> 
> There were a few others (that I never found out because I'm not a member of this forum - I got this rules list from **A Freak, a Creep, and a Psychopath** ), but those are the most important ones. Anything was alright for this weird trio. Gender roles could be completely disregarded, too. You could turn Naruto into a Power Ranger, Sasuke into Sailor Venus, or Sakura into a character from Fist of the North Star if that's what made you happy.  
> I follow that they're replaced by anime characters, or characters from cartoons that could be perceived as anime.
> 
> Enjoy.

Kakashi watched from his perch in the trees. He winced at their outfits. None of them were sensible for their rank. (Well, they'd gotten better. It was still pretty bad, though.) 

The blond boy had traded his orange eyesore with an equally attention-grabbing yellow trench coat, and every other scrap of clothing black or in dark shades. For some reason, the jinchuuriki toted a cane with him now, and hid one of his eyes behind an eye patch bearing the Konoha symbol, arranged in a way that made the village emblem look like an eye. A tall top hat adorned his head, making his spiky hair stick out awkwardly. He seemed to be sleeping, but his gut told him he was alert. 

Sakura was wearing a black cloak covering her entire body, ripped at the seams with armored shoulder pads. She wore practical pants and boots to her knees. She was standing, careful not to touch any surface whatsoever. He could smell the limiter iron in her boots and sewn into her cloak, though he couldn't fathom why it was there. Her hair was combed back. Kakashi noticed she wasn't wearing the Hitai-ate, and no shirt over her sports bra or bandages over her stomach. He could, however, spot the Konoha emblem tattooed over her heart in black, half-covered by her bra strap. 

Sasuke's hair seemed to deviate from his normal duck-butt figure he seemed to have inherited, and also thankfully moved away from the ridiculous collars. Instead, his hair flopped in his face, falling messily between his eyes and rising in spikes all around, unmanageable. His clothing had changed, and he seemed sensible. His pants were tucked into his boots, his overcoat was tied down, he was wearing extra layers, it was darkly shaded, and it seemed fine. He couldn't find the Konoha swirl anywhere, though. 

He sighed. The ridiculousness of clothing among the Jonin ranks was starting to be passed down to the younger generations. 

The three instantly knew where he was. They were waiting patiently for him to come out on his own, he could tell. Neither of them were making the strides to train on their own, or interact with one another. 

Kakashi appeared in the training grounds without warning, and without saying a word, he set the timer and set down the boxed lunches. Once the timer was set but not activated, he turned back to his students. 

"What's the test?" Sasuke asked. 

"Take one bell. If you get a bell, you pass." Kakashi started. 

"There are only two. Will you only be passing two of us?" 

"Yes. The person among you three who doesn't get a bell is going back to the Academy." 

Sakura's head tilted so she could get a better look at the clouds. "... It'll rain soon." 

Sasuke growled at that. "Fucking rain." 

"Fucking rain," Sakura agrees, a hint of distain in her voice. 

"Fuckin' rain," Naruto completes the odd string of agreeing with each other, more to be creepy than to actually agree. 

Kakashi shrugged, dismissing it as one of Sasuke and Sakura's shared quirks. "You have one hour and your time starts now." He hit a button on the top of the alarm clock. 

Naruto started laughing maniacally and floating into the trees (and goddamn, but that was a bit creepy). Sasuke disappeared (using Blue Spirit skills-with-a-z). Sakura just stood still. 

Hm. That pink one was a head-scratcher. 

He didn't have to wait long before he was attacked. 

Attacking head-on was a breeze. Sakura went first, destroying most of the ground in chunks and leaving a gaping crater. He was unbalanced. Sasuke saw his chance and came in from above, swords literally blazing. He waited until a few seconds before impact before using the replacement technique, leaving the wooden log destroyed and Sakura hit by Sasuke's swords. 

Sakura was indeed hit by Sasuke's swords, but some odd instinctual chakra surfaced the second she was hit and the dual swords disintegrated into cubes. Sakura sighed and apologized, while Kakashi was left in the trees gaping at the scenario. 

He was shaken out of his shock when the world fell away around him, leaving a white space. If he concentrated, he could see an odd triangle and parts of his life flashing before his eyes, before Konoha reappeared around him, tons of doors and impossible architecture encircling him, and a yellow triangle in the distance, observing his doors. 

The triangle turned back to him. It had only one eye. 

_"I seeeeeeeee youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu, Sssssssssssssssstaaaaaaaaaaaaanffffooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrd..."_ the triangle's voice echoed in his mindscape, sounding oddly like Naruto... 

Kakashi woke up then, released from whatever odd Genjutsu he'd just been experiencing, to the sound of his alarm clock ringing. Sasuke and Sakura were standing over him, Sakura holding her bell in the palm of her hand, being sure not to touch it save with iron-laced fingerless gloves, and Sasuke holding his between his index and his thumb. 

He looked up, and Naruto was cackling. 

"It looks like you're the one to go back to the Academy, Naruto," Kakashi commented. It was just to rile him up, but he loved seeing idiot Genin riled up. He winced at the noise. Sakura apparently agreed, and flicked the alarm clock. It covered itself in orange lines from the point where she'd flicked it, and it disintegrated into little cubes. He gaped at that, but sighed. He figure he was going to have to get used to it. 

Naruto didn't take the bait. He laughed harder, only to abruptly stop. "Sasu, mind cutting up the bells?" 

Sasuke growled. "Why not do it yourself?" 

"You're closer, moron." Naruto's evil-looking smile stretched across his whole face. 

"I don't have swords anymore, idiot!" Sasuke griped. "Sakura smashed them!" 

The Konoha emblem on Naruto's eye patch turned halfway red, contrasting nicely with the shocking sunshine yellow. "You can melt them, can't you?" 

"Or you can just let me do it." Sakura offered. She held her bell between her fingers and orange lines spread across the bell in equal measure, dividing it into three. She took Sasuke's bell, and divided it equally 

as well, then threw two pieces up at Naruto, kept two for herself, and gave the last two fragments to Sasuke. "There. We all have two-thirds of the bells. Pass us all." 

Kakashi sighed. These three were no fun at all. "Fine. You all pass. Let's go eat." 

Naruto laughed maniacally and ran down the streets yelling about cherry soda (he noticed his eye patch was back to hard yellow, and he felt slightly less apprehensive). Sakura ran after him, protesting her craving for nachos. Sasuke followed, grumbling about dango. 

He hadn't even seen most of their skills. He could tell Sakura was only showing around 1%, and 2% when she was startled by nearly being run through. Sasuke was holding back at least half his power, but he wasn't bad with fire jutsu or sword techniques. Naruto hadn't really done anything but put him in a Genjutsu, but Kakashi was sure the blond had more than that up his sleeve. He'd heard something about Kage Bunshin from the T&I/R&D/ANBU (whatever department it actually was) gossipers. That would make everything easier to learn. 

... The first thing to determine would be elemental affinities.


	2. Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd forgotten to upload this. Please don't be mad.

Sakura was meditating on the ground, cloak folded neatly under her, revealing her Konoha affiliation mark. Her body glowed a brilliant white and her hair defied gravity as it absorbed more energy from the lacrimae in the air. Sasuke was somewhere nearby, using his newest swords to do chin-ups against a tree branch. Naruto was floating around Sasuke, laughing. Sasuke was just a bit riled up and expending energy in an effort not to punch his teammates.

Kakashi appeared and they all halted. Sakura stood up very carefully, not touching the ground, and put the cloak back on, hands clasped behind hr back in respect. Sasuke got up from the tree and dug his dual swords out from the tree branch and knelt. Naruto reduced his laughing to giggles under his breath and floated relatively close to his teammates.

"Today," Kakashi started, "we'll be learning new elemental techniques."

He got out seven scrolls, one from each element group, yin, and yang.

Sakura approached, pulling on a different pair of gloves so her fingertips were covered, looking at Kakashi for his advice on which scroll to take first. Kakashi handed her a scroll with a dark blue covering. A water scroll containing a simple mist jutsu, and she walked off to try it. Kakashi handed Sasuke a lightning scroll, and Naruto a fire scroll.

Sasuke whipped open his light-blue scroll, glaring at the contents. "Sifu Kakashi, this is for lightning. I haven't learned how to create lightning yet."

"That's what we're here for, Sasuke." Kakashi said.

"No really, Sifu Kakashi, I can create fire just fine." To illustrate, he created a ball of fire in his hand without any hand signs. "My sister can make it a different colour," and here Kakashi wondered about the brunet's sanity, because he didn't have a sister, "and my uncle can make lightning," he didn't receive any reports about Fugaku or Mikoto having any male siblings either, "but I was banished before I could learn anything." his fireball flickered out, no longer supported and fed by Sasuke's energy. (Goddamn, what was wrong with his student? He wasn't banished, HIS CLAN WAS MASSACRED!)

Kakashi's left eye twitched. "What about other elements? Earth?"

Sasuke looked almost angry at the mention. "LOOK, I KNOW I'M NOT THE AVATAR, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO RUB IT IN MY FACE, OKAY?"

Kakashi silently wonders where that came from as Naruto makes hand seals and blows out fire for the Gokakyu Kakashi had assigned with the scrolls.

Sasuke screams like he just saw Uchiha Madara using Susano'o. "COLD FIRE! AZULA IS HERE! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" He proceeds to follow his own advice, and made it halfway to the Forest of Death before Kakashi caught him by the collar and dragged him back to the training fields kicking and screaming, brandishing swords and flailing dramatically. (Team Ino-Shika-Cho wonders what the fuck they're doing. Training thing, maybe?) Naruto was happily (or Kakashi assumed he was happy based on the laughter) burning down the forest, blue fire encircling and raging around him. His eye patch was still thankfully yellow, though he still didn't understand why that worried him so much.

Sakura, meanwhile, was slowly starting to understand this jutsu. She'd read about it while trying to find information on Crash magic so she could maybe find a better limiter than iron in clothing (because goddamn, those iron threads cost a lot, and it took a lot of time to sew into clothes), and figured it was some kind of water type. Well, some people could learn two types of magic, so why not, right?

Sakura slipped off her cloak and set it on the ground, meditating for an elemental affinity. She knew hers was yin, yang, and yin-yang, but elemental affinities were so useful too. She kind of envied celestial wizards. They could use so many types of magic as long as they had the right spirits...

It was during this little mental debate about finding another type of magic (well, Erza got levitation and re-equip/equip...) that she accidental let her control slip.

The orange lines around her didn't go any further than the lake, where she'd arranged hardened iron veins from previously exploded rocks so she wouldn't slice n' dice up anything important.

This, however, did not include the lake she'd been meditating next to.

Orange lines spread over the water and froze it until it was all ice cubes, decidedly not stuck together.

Sakura opened her eyes at the familiar sound of her magic. She got to her feet. "GODDAMN IT! THIS DIDN'T HAPPEN ON THAT WEIRD ISLAND WHERE THE GROUND WAS RED, SO WHY THE FUCK DOES IT STILL HAPPEN HERE?"

The ground exploded with the weird orange lines again.

Kakashi, surrounded by blue fire and a laughing pyromaniac, and a brunet going on and on about how his great-grandfather shouldn't have killed the Air Nomads in cold blood (and when did he get the idea that Uchiha Madara killed every single shinobi in Wind, or the idea that they were nomadic?), decides he needs a drink.

Three hours later, clothes singed and one of his boots diced, he wobbles to the Poisoned Kunai and orders beer. An hour after that, barrel to his lips and drinking through his mask, people wonder how he got so good at drinking the regular boozers under the tables without leaving so much as a trail down his chin. (If you asked for an explanation, Kakashi would go off on a twenty-minute long tangent that could be summed up in two words: BLAME GAI.)

**Author's Note:**

> Naruto: Bill Cipher, human form with all his end-of-series powers, _Gravity Falls_.  
> Sakura: Gildarts Clive, end of the series, _Fairy Tail_. (Gildarts' traits were passed to Sakura, so just assume she's also an overpowered laid-back sex/porn-obsessed female 'lady's man', but not a horrible role model. In my book, basically a genderbent cross between Jiraiya and Iruka, but with he creepy meter dialed back from 12 to 3.)  
> Sasuke: Zuko, nearing the _Sozin's comet_ four-parter, _Avatar: the Last Airbender_.
> 
> Notes: Please no flames. I'm really not good at writing comedy, and the reason I'm here is to get better. I have ASD, so it's difficult for me to understand certain nuances that make humor, which is why I labelled it 'dramatic humor'. Hopefully, there'll be a noticeable improvement by the tenth chapter and I'll be able to drop the 'drama' part.


End file.
